The Best Excuse

I don’t have writer’s block.

The first step is accepting that you have a problem.

I have writer’s block?

Very good.

Is that when I can’t get it up?

No, that’s Erectile Dysfunction.

That can’t be good.

It seldom is.

I have trouble writing.

Exactly.

Well then, my writer’s block looks like George Clooney holding a candle in his hand, telling me to “calm down”. The magnificent bastard.

How often do you have this dream?

It’s not a dream. I know my writer’s block looks like that. The way a piece of toast sometimes looks like Jesus.

That’s very interesting.

Sometimes he dresses up in a Batman costume. But the candle is always there.

So what do you do?

Has Batman ever appeared to you holding a candle in his hand, telling you to calm down, as you tried to sing a lullaby to one of your patients?

I don’t sing to my patients. But I see your point.

I even bought a Riddler-themed pen but it doesn’t work.

How about Kryptonite?

That’s Superman.

Right.

He’s oddly captivating. Almost as if a very nubile girl were pointing a gun at you in the nude. You wouldn’t know if you wanted to go closer or get the hell out of there.

That’s beautiful.

And—

I’m afraid we’re out of time.

Oh. Well.

Why don’t we talk about this next week?

Sure. That’s your check on the table

Thanks. But wait, you didn’t sign it.

Well.

Well, what?

I have writer’s block.